I would stare at your demons and I would carry them incessantly; into the deepest forests, into the farthest of seas – and you would hold my hand and tell me I am loved, and we would go far and beyond, digging and dragging, away with these until I feel like you are ready to love again. But you only tread far enough before your soul’s all strew again; and I will have had the weight of my demons and yours, but no lover to share the pain. You walk with me for far enough but never the same path, and behind your walls you hide behind, until I, too, am lost, again.
I woke up today with the kind of pain that lined my stomach from the inside out, slicing my hope for love to spill on my toes, reminding me of the night that was, and the us that never will be. It doesn’t really matter I guess we both kind of knew – you looked at me with blank eyes, always scanning the room for better things to do than fill your head with my image or voice, always toggling through your phone, always holding something else to keep the spaces in between your hands occupied, so it won’t have to deal with mine.
And I guess it’s only rightful to say good bye when I have loved you long enough and maybe even more, and you only say things like you miss me just to even the score.
And I guess it’s only polite to say these things now, when you and I both know it doesn’t matter enough – how I loved your bones and your words, your lack of interest and even worse, I have loved you for everything they hated you for, because I wanted to love you like quiet, tender darkness that is inevitable but ever changing.
And I guess that’s pretty much it, I have been loving you without the need for reciprocation, thinking you will eventually let me in; but we both kind of silently agreed there really is no end as we have had no beginning.
And maybe just to end, I’d like to say, for the last time, at least for today - how I have loved you in the quiet,
I have loved you in the crowds,
I loved you long in silence,
Even more so, out loud
I have loved you with conviction
I have loved you despite the pain,
I have loved you without condition,
- only that you say my name
I have loved you in the darkness,
I have waited on your light
I did not mind all your weightless,
Careless, little lies -
I have loved you thoroughly
But with every kiss I kind of always knew
That I could love you all these ways
And even more,
But you’ll only stay
Until you find