Time to Ditch 'Toxic Positivity'
A new term has emerged from the ever-fertile soil of social media vernacular - because of the current pandemic that we are dealing with, users have been pleading, arguing, and discussing TOXIC POSITIVITY. But what exactly does it mean? Are we just being too critical of each other, or could this actually be a point for improvement? On this installment of the podcast, Joyce and Aaron dive deep into the differences of healthy and toxic positivity, its pitfalls and borderlines.
The Dark Side of Positive Vibes
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is when people try to pave all those negativity away and concentrate specifically on the positive side. One of the members from the community, Mara, shared from Tanglaw Mental Health that toxic positivity is the excessive and ineffective overgeneralization of a happy and optimistic state in any situation in denial, minimization and invalidation of genuine human emotional experience. When a person exhibits it, they deny all the negative experiences that make us human and lives their lives this way.
What is the difference between Healthy & Unhealthy Positivity?
Invalidation is the difference. When we don’t acknowledge the wrong in the situation and just view out positivity like it’s always a good thing, we don’t leave out areas and spaces for a situation to be better. “How can it be better when you’re already okay with what’s happening?” That’s what toxic positivity does.
And, toxic positivity is false reassurance. It’s not necessary that we always have response to something or uplift the feelings of others when they open up. Most of time, the best way to respond is to just listen.
Toxic positivity is “There is no problem. Let’s look past it. Everything will be fine.” While real positivity is “There is a problem. It would probably be difficult but we can get through it.” (AA)
“Toxic positivity is turning a blind eye on the negativity just to be able to have a positive mind. If you can’t focus on what is negative, you can’t improve that. ”
How do you draw the line?
It’s a moment by moment and step-by-step process. It takes a lot of empathy and compassion to exercise. (JP)
For Gela, another member of the community, toxic positivity is denying that something is wrong instead of acknowledging that the system is not okay anymore. It’s like laughing at situations that aren’t supposed to be laughed at. Being positive is okay but some people tend to go overboard and forget to acknowledge the wrong in the situation.
Keep everything in check. As much as you don’t lean too much on positivity (because that’s when it becomes toxicity and overly optimistic), then it should be okay. Acknowledge all the positives and ready for all the negatives. Live right in the middle of the two. (AA)
Dealing With Toxic Positivity
How to handle a friend/family member who’s toxic positive?
Some people use toxic positivity as a coping mechanism and it could also be the tell-tale sign of their own anxiety and fears. When someone doesn’t want to dwell into the toxicity of the world, they want to be distracted by the good things instead of dealing with the bad things because if they do, they’ll feel just anxious and have to deal with those emotions that they were trying to suppress. So, we have to understand that most of the time, people who are toxic positives don’t have bad intentions. They just want to present their perspective of how they are coping up with the situation. The thing you can do is talk to them kindly, let them know that their positivity may invalidate feeling and can also have an adverse effect on other people.
Sometimes, toxic positivity comes in a place of privilege since people experience different detriments in life. And, everybody operates in different privileges. Do not automatically jump into conclusion that someone is positive because they are privileged. Telling someone that they are toxic positive means that you’re standing also on a certain level of privilege too. People can be uneducated with the negativity, so try and find a way for them to be informed. If they still refuse to accept it, don’t insist it. (AA)
Also, we’re not focusing on the privilege of other people. It’s trying to understand where there are coming from. We don’t deal with trials the same way as others. And as human beings, we have a tendency to expect other people to live the life that we want to live. (JP)
“Different levels of privileges offer different levels of perspective.”
How to deal with toxic positivity?
Sometimes, you have treat it with lesser value. As Aaron say, treat it like a Youtube comment. They are just there, read them but don’t let them impact on you that much. Just take it for what it is. Acknowledge that it’s there but move along.
Apart from acknowledgement, just try to deal with everybody in general positivity. Use empathy and grace especially in difficult times like this. We should not be too critical on people because we deal differently in different situations. Most people who suffers with anxiety tries to be positive because that’s how they cope with it.
Surround yourself with positive people. They might help you find the silver lining when you can’t. And, they can also offer a better perspective.
“Sometimes, they might not be articulate or as profound as what we want them to be, but they do have good intentions. And good intentions are more than enough.”
From Episode 26 of Adulting with Joyce Pring’s Shot of Sanity: “ARE YOU GUILTY OF ‘TOXIC POSITIVITY’?
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Adulting With Joyce Pring is the How-To’s of your 20’s told by a 20-something, traversing through life expectantly and with gusto!
Episode summary by Chiara
Soli Deo Gloria!