Asking for Care Without Starting a Fight
How do I not get offended when my partner tells me about his/her temptations? Is there a way to ask your other half to care more without sounding unappreciative? Juancho and I answer these and more on this episode of the pod!
How to not get offended when my partner tells about his/her temptations?
When your partner shares their sexual temptations with you, it can be challenging not to feel offended or hurt. However, here are things to help navigate these conversations in a healthy and supportive way:
1) Try to put yourself in your partner's shoes
Understand that sharing their temptations may not be easy for them. Recognize that they are trusting you and being vulnerable by opening up about their struggles. Approach the conversation with empathy and compassion.
2) Create a safe space for open communication
Encourage your partner to share their feelings and thoughts without fear of judgment or criticism. Active listening and seeking to understand their perspective will help foster a sense of trust and connection.
3) Separate temptation from your worth
Remember that your partner's temptations are not a reflection of your worth or desirability as a person. Sexual temptations can arise due to various factors, and it is crucial to understand that they are not necessarily a reflection of your relationship or their feelings for you.
4) Set boundaries and expectations
Establish clear boundaries within your relationship regarding what is acceptable behavior. Discuss and agree upon shared values, expectations, and boundaries. Openly communicate your needs and expectations regarding fidelity and commitment.
5) Seek support if necessary
If your partner's sexual temptations are causing significant distress or strain on your relationship, it may be helpful to seek guidance from professional counselors, therapists, or trusted spiritual mentors. They can offer objective perspectives and provide tools for navigating these challenges.
Is there a way to ask your other half to care more without sounding unappreciative?
1) Choose the right time and place
Find a suitable moment when both of you are calm and can have an uninterrupted conversation. Avoid bringing up this topic during moments of conflict or when tensions are high.
2) Focus on your feelings and needs
Begin the conversation by expressing how you feel rather than accusing or blaming your partner. Use "I" statements to convey your emotions and needs. For example, instead of saying, "You never care about me," try saying, "I sometimes feel the need for more care and attention in our relationship."
3) Use specific examples and be clear
Share specific instances or situations where you felt a lack of care or attention. It helps to provide concrete examples rather than speaking in general terms. This allows your partner to understand your perspective better and make necessary changes.
For example, instead of saying, "You never ask about my day," you can say, "I noticed that we don't often discuss our days and connect on a deeper level. It would mean a lot to me if we could take the time to share and listen to each other's experiences."
4) Express appreciation
Acknowledge and appreciate the care and effort your partner does show in the relationship. This helps maintain a positive and supportive tone in the conversation and ensures that your partner doesn't feel completely unappreciated or criticized.
5) Understand and compromise
Approach the conversation with a willingness to understand. Ask open-ended questions to encourage their input and insights. Together, discuss possible ways to address both your needs and find a compromise that works for both of you.
“They are many temptations in this broken world but we don’t talk about it openly.”
From Episode 187 of Adulting with Joyce Pring: “Asking for Care Without Starting a Fight”