What Does It Mean to be Vulnerable?
If vulnerability is such a natural thing, how come most of us are so afraid of it? We grew up in a society that taught us that being emotional equates to weakness. Now, we understand that acknowledging emotions can actually better us. In this episode of Adulting with Joyce Pring Podcast, Coach Lyqa Maravilla and Joyce talked about how we can live out this mindset and carry it into the next generation.
Why are we afraid of “VULNERABILITY”
You can blame a lot of things, especially growing up where it plays a huge part in how we handle emotions. “Tahan na” – there’s this idea in the society where if you’re emotional it means you’re weak and you can’t think emotionally – when in fact the best decisions we made mostly comes from our emotions. We have to all sit on our emotions.
“If you’re not logical, you’re emotional – you can’t be both.” – It’s always that, when in reality, you always have to be both at the same time.
Reasons why Joyce was having a hard time with her emotions:
○ Equating not having an emotion with strength – while wanting to be strong. She believed that not having any emotions is something courageous and strong perhaps, berating anyone around her who expresses one just because of not wanting to them to be weak.
○ Traumas not having acknowledged by others. So as a defense mechanism, she grew up not wanting to acknowledge it on others too. But soon enough, when her husband, Juancho, started validating her emotions, she also learned to do the same on others – making being vulnerable easier.
For Coach Lyqa, to allow vulnerability is also to acknowledge the following:
○ Verifying if it’s a fact or a feeling. In order to better analyze the situation and properly acknowledge the side of one another, Coach Lyqa’s friend always help her to try see where the emotion is coming from.
○ Generational Pain. Growing up with the societal norm of hearing people saying “Ano ba ‘yan, umiiyak ka na, ‘yan lang?” – without even trying to understand where they are coming from. “We really have to change the way we behave if we really want to change the next generation…”
The Value of Weakness and Humility
○ Being against vulnerability has a lot to do with ego as well. If you want to be a compassionate human being, you want to be compassionate about the smalls things as much as you are with the good things. (JP)
○ There’s no such thing as right or wrong emotion. There is only a right or wrong action fueled by that emotion. (JP)
○ Know how it feels to be filled with emotions. Try your best to express it or at least open the door for the people to listen to you. AND, when someone reveals their hearts on us, at least give them a chance to fully express themselves. (LM)
“Just because you don’t understand how they express their emotion, doesn’t mean it’s not true.”
Being Comfortable with Vulnerability
○ INTEGRITY really matters. We tend to fake ourselves to be accepted when what we really need is to be just ourselves so others can also be able to see that there’s nothing wrong with being true to themselves. (LM)
○ If you do not allow yourself to be vulnerable – it will have its BACKLASH. As difficult as it is to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves, it’s the only way the we can operate if we want to live a life that’s fruitful, meaning and capable of surviving human relationships. (JP)
○ There are also good people out there who respect your vulnerability – you just have to find those right people. Slowly open up to them and start being empathetic with others. Practice it and take it one step at a time. (JP)
○ It doesn’t have to be just one person that you’ll only spill your thoughts too. It can be a set of people also. But remember that It doesn’t have to be a tell-all book in an instant. (LM)
“You can impress people by showcasing your strengths but you can inspire people by showing your weaknesses”
From Episode 100 of Adulting with Joyce Pring: “WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO BE VULNERABLE”